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(Raw source: coolpix5150)

Markeu ya, It’s me again, your walking annoyance.

 

Hi my sunshine, how are you today?

I saw a picture of you with black tank top the other day and I couldn’t tell if I like it or not but, you made me felt so familiar. You just looked like a random boy in my neighborhood, okay maybe a little bit hotter, cuter and lovelier, I don’t know how to describe that feeling, anyway you get my point.

I love your face which does not have any make up on, though I supposed that you have applied sun cream at least lol. You have no idea how much I love your stubble. It sounds so perverted I know, but I have to admit it anyway…

I love whenever you look so real, though you’re still my daydream that I never want to be waked.

 

It turns out that I would write you a letter whenever I don’t feel easy about life.

 

Mark Tuan, I feel so lost, every time I try to figure out who I am, what do I suppose to do with myself or how I should feel about things that happened.

I realized that I felt insecure all that time until now but I doubt have I ever tried to get rid of it. Maybe I used to that feeling too much to dare for change.

 

I don’t know if I have any mental problems or I even need to be fixed.

And if there are, who would be willing to do it? Who could sacrifice themselves to be with someone like me?

 

I usually wonder if I have right to be loved. Do I even deserve to be loved?

 

Please don’t get me wrong, I do love myself, I know my self-worth.

I just hate the fact that sometimes I show my negative emotions so openly.

I just hate the way my character becomes more and more autistic day by day.

I hate my insecurity and my unnecessary arrogance.

All of those just made my life became more difficult.

 

I want to be comforted. I need to be cherished by someone, to regain my confidence.

To know that at least there is someone who appreciate my presence and recognize my worth.

 

Of course I have dreams, every girls have.

I dream about one day I would finally meet my lover.

The one who is always willing to find me, shower me with kisses and love, fix me with his patience, show me how much affection he would prefer to give me no matter how insecure I feel.

The one who’s just for me.

 

I dreamt him up. I have dreamt about being spooned and calmed by him whenever anxiousness ate me inside out, and he would wipe away every drop of tears on my cheeks just by his warm, soft lips.

He would try everything he can even wasting his time just to ease my pains.

He would whisper into my ear from time to time to let me know that after all things would be okay, that I don’t need to worry anymore because he will always be there, forever.

 

But it’s always just a sweet dream, isn’t it? Too sweet and too good to be true…

Again, the more I yearn for something, the more I couldn’t reach it.

 

 

Letter from -G., a daydreamer.

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