[ personal post | unhealthy to read | contain too much negative thoughts ]
Hey pure happiness,
Hey ‘no-jam’ person,
Hey Mark Potter,
It has been a year since I last saw you and just wanna say that I miss you so, so, so much as if I can give up everything just to run to you right now ㅠㅠ
No we both know that I could handle things better than this, so I’ll keep going, we will meet each other again someday, I promise you that.
So please stay healthy and keep doing great, though life would turn upside down sometimes and we must do things that we hate, I still have faith in you. It’s just simple as that, I think I can’t get over Mark Tuan even so many years have passed and no one could ever replace you. So.. that’s it, I’m totally Mark’s trash at least until the end of the next year lol
And yeah you know, I’ll always support you, no matter what happens and no matter where life takes us, you and the other boys will always have a place in my heart.
We are almost 24 and next year let’s do something fun, something we love and something keeps us stay positive, regretless and determined.
Remember to call home, not texting them, they must have missed your English accent. Because me either!
Love you, Tuan.
And tell baby Ji-nyeongie I miss him too.
Best wishes for you guys,
A Christmas card to Mark Tuan, from –G. with lots of love.
My favorite shade of blue
My serenity, let’s listen this song together, and here I would tell you a story.
Let me introduce to you, a blue bird, and her dreams of all time.
You may ask who she is, all I can tell you is that she’s really a mystery.
She loves purple and blue shades, lilac and baby blue,
Especially a tone of purity and softness called first dawn, she really loves it.
But it turns out that she never gets out of her own blue,
And it sounds confusing but this time I don’t mean blue is a shade of color.
(Raw source: coolpix5150)
Markeu ya, It’s me again, your walking annoyance.
Hi my sunshine, how are you today?
I saw a picture of you with black tank top the other day and I couldn’t tell if I like it or not but, you made me felt so familiar. You just looked like a random boy in my neighborhood, okay maybe a little bit hotter, cuter and lovelier, I don’t know how to describe that feeling, anyway you get my point.
I love your face which does not have any make up on, though I supposed that you have applied sun cream at least lol. You have no idea how much I love your stubble. It sounds so perverted I know, but I have to admit it anyway…
I love whenever you look so real, though you’re still my daydream that I never want to be waked.
It turns out that I would write you a letter whenever I don’t feel easy about life.
Mark Tuan, I feel so lost, every time I try to figure out who I am, what do I suppose to do with myself or how I should feel about things that happened.
I realized that I felt insecure all that time until now but I doubt have I ever tried to get rid of it. Maybe I used to that feeling too much to dare for change.
I don’t know if I have any mental problems or I even need to be fixed.
And if there are, who would be willing to do it? Who could sacrifice themselves to be with someone like me?
I usually wonder if I have right to be loved. Do I even deserve to be loved?
Please don’t get me wrong, I do love myself, I know my self-worth.
I just hate the fact that sometimes I show my negative emotions so openly.
I just hate the way my character becomes more and more autistic day by day.
I hate my insecurity and my unnecessary arrogance.
All of those just made my life became more difficult.
I want to be comforted. I need to be cherished by someone, to regain my confidence.
To know that at least there is someone who appreciate my presence and recognize my worth.
Of course I have dreams, every girls have.
I dream about one day I would finally meet my lover.
The one who is always willing to find me, shower me with kisses and love, fix me with his patience, show me how much affection he would prefer to give me no matter how insecure I feel.
The one who’s just for me.
I dreamt him up. I have dreamt about being spooned and calmed by him whenever anxiousness ate me inside out, and he would wipe away every drop of tears on my cheeks just by his warm, soft lips.
He would try everything he can even wasting his time just to ease my pains.
He would whisper into my ear from time to time to let me know that after all things would be okay, that I don’t need to worry anymore because he will always be there, forever.
But it’s always just a sweet dream, isn’t it? Too sweet and too good to be true…
Again, the more I yearn for something, the more I couldn’t reach it.
Letter from -G., a daydreamer.
Hey Mark Tuan, I’m sick.
Headache, sore throat, aches all over my body.
I got wet 4 or 5 times when I rode my motorbike few days ago, I didn’t remember.
Just knew that I was too lazy to put the raincoat on and after 5 minutes endured it, it came harder and I got caught in torrential downpour. Yea my bad, I know.
/consider before reading/ /consider before reading/ /consider before reading/
I just found these miscellaneous sentences in my notebook, and I felt like I was ready to tell you about another story of mine. So here it is, my next letter to you, Mark.
It was the most difficult time of my life, I have never gone through such terrible feelings before. It was the roughest, the darkest and the loneliest. Until now I still joke that it was the most horrible time which I would never ever dare to forget. Though by now my life still can not be called vitality, it’s still better than that time.
I hardly remember I was living, I just survived. The next day was exactly the same as the day before, nothing changed but I was also too afraid to change.