Bài này mình viết về Jonghyun, nghệ sĩ đã truyền cho mình rất nhiều cảm xúc, kể cả là cảm hứng sáng tác.
Các bạn có thể không đọc, vì nó thực sự rất buồn.
당신이 뭔가를 잘못해서 혹은 사랑받을 자격이 없어서 학대를 받은 건 아니다.
당신은 충분히 사랑받을 자격이 있고 사랑받아 마땅할 만큼 눈부시게 빛나고 미치도록 사랑스러운 사람이었다고..
그러니까 잊으라고 이제부턴 사랑받고 살아야한다고..
It’s not because you did something wrong, or because you didn’t have the right to be loved, that you were abused.
You definitely have all the right to be cherished.., and you are someone who shines so beautifully, so lovingly, and so deserving of love, so forget it all.
From now on, just live and be loved…
– Kill me Heal me, Cha Do Hyun –
So I just wish at least there is someone who understands, and because they love me, really care for me, then they would tell me this.
To comfort me a bit, to show me their affection.
I wish this time, I finally could feel at ease.
(Raw source: coolpix5150)
Markeu ya, It’s me again, your walking annoyance.
Hi my sunshine, how are you today?
I saw a picture of you with black tank top the other day and I couldn’t tell if I like it or not but, you made me felt so familiar. You just looked like a random boy in my neighborhood, okay maybe a little bit hotter, cuter and lovelier, I don’t know how to describe that feeling, anyway you get my point.
I love your face which does not have any make up on, though I supposed that you have applied sun cream at least lol. You have no idea how much I love your stubble. It sounds so perverted I know, but I have to admit it anyway…
I love whenever you look so real, though you’re still my daydream that I never want to be waked.
It turns out that I would write you a letter whenever I don’t feel easy about life.
Mark Tuan, I feel so lost, every time I try to figure out who I am, what do I suppose to do with myself or how I should feel about things that happened.
I realized that I felt insecure all that time until now but I doubt have I ever tried to get rid of it. Maybe I used to that feeling too much to dare for change.
I don’t know if I have any mental problems or I even need to be fixed.
And if there are, who would be willing to do it? Who could sacrifice themselves to be with someone like me?
I usually wonder if I have right to be loved. Do I even deserve to be loved?
Please don’t get me wrong, I do love myself, I know my self-worth.
I just hate the fact that sometimes I show my negative emotions so openly.
I just hate the way my character becomes more and more autistic day by day.
I hate my insecurity and my unnecessary arrogance.
All of those just made my life became more difficult.
I want to be comforted. I need to be cherished by someone, to regain my confidence.
To know that at least there is someone who appreciate my presence and recognize my worth.
Of course I have dreams, every girls have.
I dream about one day I would finally meet my lover.
The one who is always willing to find me, shower me with kisses and love, fix me with his patience, show me how much affection he would prefer to give me no matter how insecure I feel.
The one who’s just for me.
I dreamt him up. I have dreamt about being spooned and calmed by him whenever anxiousness ate me inside out, and he would wipe away every drop of tears on my cheeks just by his warm, soft lips.
He would try everything he can even wasting his time just to ease my pains.
He would whisper into my ear from time to time to let me know that after all things would be okay, that I don’t need to worry anymore because he will always be there, forever.
But it’s always just a sweet dream, isn’t it? Too sweet and too good to be true…
Again, the more I yearn for something, the more I couldn’t reach it.
Letter from -G., a daydreamer.
/consider before reading/ /consider before reading/ /consider before reading/
I just found these miscellaneous sentences in my notebook, and I felt like I was ready to tell you about another story of mine. So here it is, my next letter to you, Mark.
It was the most difficult time of my life, I have never gone through such terrible feelings before. It was the roughest, the darkest and the loneliest. Until now I still joke that it was the most horrible time which I would never ever dare to forget. Though by now my life still can not be called vitality, it’s still better than that time.
I hardly remember I was living, I just survived. The next day was exactly the same as the day before, nothing changed but I was also too afraid to change.
Một fic mình đã dịch rất lâu rồi nhưng chưa post.
Dạo này pink nhiều quá rồi, quay về với angst thôi. Btw theo mình thì truyện này là HE.
Original: Yearning to Fall, part 1
Warning: depression, character death
Bản dịch đã nhận được sự đồng ý từ tác giả!
Khi Mark mở mắt, anh nhận ra mình đang nằm bất động tại bệnh viện. Hóa ra, anh đã mắc phải một chứng bệnh chết người, nhưng anh chẳng mấy quan tâm. Với cuộc sống đáng chán và vị trí áp lực của một người thừa kế tập đoàn họ Tuan, anh chỉ khát khao được chết.
Anh khát khao buông bỏ tất cả và rơi xuống.
Original: The days with you
Category: Super Angst
Status: short fic, completed
Warning: Mental Illness, Self harm
1 Ngày Bên Em
Mark chẳng thể ăn được gì và dạ dày của anh quặn thắt khi anh nhìn vào bữa sáng trước mặt. Anh chằm chằm nhìn bà Kim, người không hề hay biết rằng cốc cà phê trên tay bà ấy là vật vô giá và Mark sẽ làm bất cứ điều gì để đổi lấy nó thay cho miếng bánh mì nướng trên đĩa của anh. Bệnh nhân không được phép uống cà phê nhưng điều đó không có nghĩa là người canh gác của họ không được quyền thưởng thức nó trước mặt họ, vì vậy anh đang nhìn bà ấy hớp một ngụm, trong khi thứ duy nhất khiến anh tỉnh táo lúc này là nỗi lo sợ đang từ từ dâng trào bên trong anh. Cơ thể anh rã rời còn tâm trí vẫn trống rỗng.